Maggie’s Mom: Can’t believe he picked Vienna! What a scag.

Amber’s Dad: Something about listening to the Black Eyed Peas’ music makes me want to fart.

Kaitlin’s Mom: if they stole your alcohol, i would hide the rest of your valuables in a safe place. did i just put alcohol under the category of valuables? yikes

Aunt Becky’s Mom: Well, thank GOD they don’t tattoo babies.

Erin: Happy 60th Birthday, Old Man!
Erin’s Dad: Thanks. But I think life starts when you’re 70 – you can make derogatory comments & everyone will just laugh.

Torie’s Mom: Tor, I was listening to snoop dogg in the car today and he kept talking about chronic. Can’t access urbandictionary from my blackberry now… Can you tell me what it is? Thx, Mom

Anonymous’ Mom: what do you want for our birthday????????? what ABOUT the phone???????? (no you cannot have a dog!!!!!!!!!!!!ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Charlie’s Mom: You’re thirty years old and we still get packages from toys r us almost daily. Maybe you should save that money for something like your own house.

Christina’s Dad: In my opinion, Snooki is reasonably homely. Why does she think someone would want to take her on a date?

Lane’s Dad: So I signed up and got a Twitter account today.
Lane’s Mom: Really? You bought one of those Twitter machines?
Lane: Oh.My.God. What exactly IS a Twitter machine, mom?

Ron: It’s not about how/when you said it – there is no time that it’ll ever be appropriate to ask dad to have sex with you- but it’s ESPECIALLY bad in front of my friends.
Ron’s Mom: i can say whatever, whenever, kiddo.

Katie’s Mom: tell your father i want that coat for christmas. but u’d have to go with him for size…it’d have to be a little big on u, esp around the middle…i’m not built like those italian girls (i’m more like their abuelas, just no mustachio!)